In the world of love, it’s often the little things that matter most. The first awkward selfie, the day you watched your first bad movie together and laughed endlessly, or the night you talked till 4 a.m. about your future. While these aren’t “official” anniversaries, many couples today are beginning to honor these personal moments as arbitrary-versaries — unique, meaningful relationship milestones that don’t appear on a calendar but live forever in your hearts.
We believe emotional intimacy is the foundation of great relationships. That includes sex, communication, laughter — and yes, even the quirky anniversaries no one else understands. Let’s dive into the growing trend of celebrating arbitrary-versaries and how doing so can strengthen the bond between you and your partner in surprisingly powerful ways.
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What Are Arbitrary-versaries?
The term arbitrary-versary might sound made-up — and that’s exactly what makes it beautiful. It refers to anniversaries that couples invent themselves. These aren’t birthdays, weddings, or even the “first date” anniversary. Instead, they’re ultra-personal milestones:
- The first time you fell asleep on a video call.
- The first road trip that didn’t end in an argument.
- The day you adopted your cat together.
- Even the night you decided to stop sleeping with your phones in bed.
In short, arbitrary-versaries are celebrations of shared progress, growth, and weird little victories. And they are quickly gaining popularity, especially among Gen Z and millennial couples who seek deeper emotional rituals beyond flowers on Valentine’s Day.
Why Celebrating Arbitrary-versaries Matters
1. They Encourage Emotional Connection
Research from the Gottman Institute shows that couples who intentionally build “love maps” — a deep understanding of each other’s worlds — are more resilient and satisfied in the long term. It helps build these love maps by giving importance to small, intimate memories that define your journey together.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman are world-renowned relationship researchers. This article explains how rituals of connection strengthen emotional bonds.
2. They Break Relationship Monotony
Even in sexually satisfying relationships, the routine can become a silent killer. According to a 2024 Lovense survey, 1 in 4 couples admitted to being in a “relationship rut.” Celebrating arbitrary-versaries acts as a relationship refresh button, reigniting novelty and helping couples bond over memories that are uniquely theirs.
3. They Build a Strong Narrative
Social psychologists like Dr. Dan McAdams suggest that happy couples share a “cohesive story” of their relationship. It offer concrete points in time that contribute to your shared narrative — turning your love life into a story worth retelling.
Real-Life Arbitrary-versary Examples
You don’t need a five-star dinner reservation to make a moment meaningful. Here are real arbitrary-versaries couples have shared online or privately celebrated:
- “The first night we didn’t check our phones before bed — and actually talked!”
- “The first time he let me choose the restaurant — and didn’t complain after.”
- “The night she said ‘I love you’… but meant it after a bad day, not a perfect one.”
What matters isn’t the formality — it’s that the memory meant something to your relationship. And yes, you can celebrate it annually, monthly, or even randomly. That’s the magic of arbitrary-versaries.
How to Start Celebrating Arbitrary-versaries
You don’t need a manual or permission to get started. But if you’re unsure how to bring arbitrary-versaries into your relationship, here are some easy steps:
1. Reflect on Meaningful Moments
Sit down together and talk about moments that brought you closer — even if they weren’t “big.” Think emotionally, not traditionally.
2. Choose Milestones That Reflect Growth
Focus on experiences that showed progress: the first time you successfully navigated conflict, the moment you both started therapy or even the first time you had open communication about sexual preferences.
3. Celebrate Thoughtfully
The celebration doesn’t need to be expensive. Cook the same meal you did that night, rewatch that bad movie, or recreate a special conversation. You could even exchange small, symbolic gifts or write each other letters.
4. Make It a Ritual
Rituals bring consistency. Even if it’s just a quiet toast with wine, revisiting these arbitrary-versaries annually builds emotional layers to your relationship. You create a private language of love that no one else understands.
Arbitrary-versaries and Sexual Intimacy
As a platform that promotes healthy, satisfying, and safe sexual experiences, Your Bedroom Lab recognizes how important emotional closeness is to sexual intimacy. Arbitrary-versaries create moments for reconnecting — mentally, emotionally, and sexually.
Some couples use arbitrary-versaries to:
- Try a new sex game together as part of your celebration.
- Discuss desires they’ve been shy to share.
- Revisit fantasies or experiences that brought them closer.
This is also an ideal time to introduce something new to the bedroom — not to fix anything, but to celebrate intimacy. (This area opens doors for future affiliate product suggestions — like couple vibrators, erotic board games, or sensual massage oils — while remaining natural in tone.)
Final Thoughts
In a world that celebrates perfection, arbitrary-versaries remind us that love is built in the messy, meaningful, unforgettable in-betweens. When couples take time to honor their private milestones, they build not just memories, but emotional intimacy that lasts. And if you’re looking to deepen your connection even further, understanding what it takes to build a healthy sexual relationship can provide the foundation for celebrating love in every form — arbitrary or otherwise.
We believe celebrating love isn’t limited to anniversaries or holidays. It’s in the small wins, quiet connections, and deeply personal moments that only the two of you share. Arbitrary-versaries aren’t arbitrary at all — they’re your love, your way.
