Searching for ways to reduce pain during sex after childbirth? You’re absolutely not alone. In fact, most new moms experience some discomfort when returning to intimacy, and it can feel overwhelming or even scary. The great news: there are at least nine proven ways to reduce pain during sex after childbirth, simple, expert-backed tips that can help you heal and enjoy closeness again. Ready for honest, practical advice? Let’s dive in together.
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So, Sex Hurts After Childbirth…Now What?
Let’s just lay it out there. Sex after childbirth can leave you thinking, “Wait, is it supposed to feel like this?” I hear you! If you’re wincing at the thought of sliding back into the sheets with your partner, you’re absolutely not alone.
I remember, right after my first baby, I was equal parts nervous and hopeful that everything would “go back to normal.” Spoiler: it didn’t happen overnight. But here’s the thing, with a few key adjustments (and a whole lot of self-kindness), it really can get better.
Let’s talk about ways to reduce pain during sex after childbirth with warmth, a dash of real talk, and the honest facts you deserve.
Why Does Sex Hurt After Birth, Anyway?
Before we dive into what helps, let’s get real about why so many moms (up to 60%—wow, right?) experience pain during sex after childbirth. In fact, research shows up to 62% of women face moderate to significant pain in the first year after delivery (source)
Quick rundown:
Hormonal rollercoaster: Major drop in estrogen leads to dryness, especially if you’re breastfeeding.
Tears, stitches, or scar tissue: Healing and scar tissue can leave things feeling tight, sore, or different.
Pelvic floor changes: Your pelvic muscles have been through the wringer!
Nerves and anxiety: Not just in your head—anxiety and fear can literally make muscles clench.
Tiredness and stress: Who feels sexy running on three hours of sleep? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Top Ways to Reduce Pain During Sex After Childbirth
Let’s get practical, honest, and a bit personal as we explore the top ways to reduce pain during sex after childbirth.
1. Don’t Rush It
I know, the world tells us there’s a “magic timeline.” Truth: it’s different for everyone. Many experts say to wait until after your postpartum checkup (usually 4 to 6 weeks), but really—listen to your body, not a calendar.
In my experience, the weeks after birth were a blur of diapers, midnight snacks, and rediscovering my body in a whole new way. Give yourself, and your partner, a bit of grace.
2. Lube is Your Best Friend
If you take one thing from this blog, let it be this: using lubricant is not a sign of failure, it’s a total game-changer.
Dryness is so common (thanks, hormones!), and honestly, even women who never needed lube pre-baby swear by it now. Try water-based lubes for sensitive skin or silicone-based if you want something longer-lasting. Natural oils, like coconut oil, can help too (but skip them if you’re using latex condoms).
If you’re wondering which lubes are safe and trusted for sensitive first experiences (or just want some expert picks), check out this guide to the Best Lubricant for First Time Sex: Top 4 Safe Picks for honest recommendations and what to look for in a product.
Side note: Experiment with brands. Uber Lube and Slippery Stuff are loved by many postpartum moms!
3. Prioritize Foreplay & Communication
Remember how, pre-baby, you might have jumped right in? Now’s the time to stretch out the warm-up. More kissing, cuddling, or even mutual massage helps your body relax and boosts natural lubrication.
And, seriously, talk to your partner. If something hurts, say it. If you need to pause, pause. No shame in that.
4. Try Different Positions
This isn’t about acrobatics. It’s about finding what feels gentler on sore areas. Choose positions where you feel most in control—being on top, side-lying, or even spooning may work better for you. Don’t be afraid to get creative (or laugh if it gets weird!).
5. Ease the Pain Beforehand
Try a warm bath or shower before sex to relax muscles and soften scar tissue. Empty your bladder, take deep breaths, and maybe even use a heating pad on your pelvis for a few minutes. Sometimes, a mild pain reliever can help (check with your doc first!).
6. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy: Seriously, It Works
One thing I noticed was how weak (and at the same time, tight!) everything felt after giving birth. Pelvic floor physical therapy changed everything for me—and so many women echo this.
A pelvic floor therapist tailors exercises for you, teaching you how to relax and strengthen those muscles, release scar tissue, and improve blood flow. They may use manual therapy, teach breathing techniques, or coach you on gentle stretches and Kegels.
Plus, it’s scientifically backed—studies show women who do pelvic floor exercises experience less pain and better sexual function after childbirth.
7. Address the Emotional Side
It’s so easy to feel “broken” or frustrated if sex hurts. But trust me: you’re not broken, you’re healing. Anxiety and fear about pain make those muscles tense up even more. Deal with guilt, stress, or embarrassment head-on. Sometimes, a chat with a counselor or sex therapist is the best thing you can do for both mind and body.
8. Hydration & Hormone Check
Staying hydrated supports your natural lubrication. If you’re really struggling, ask your provider about topical estrogen creams—they can offset dryness (especially if breastfeeding).
9. Start With Alternative Intimacy
Vaginal sex isn’t the only way to connect. Outercourse, mutual pleasure, toys, or just being close can keep intimacy alive while you heal (For inspiration, see Explaining Outercourse and Nonpenetrative Sex Benefits (2025 Guide)).
And if you’re curious about couples toys to rebuild that spark, check out The Ultimate Guide to Beginner Couples Toys Women Love.
Real Talk: When to See a Pro
Here’s the deal—if sex is still hurting after a few months, or if pain is severe, reach out to your doc or pelvic floor therapist. Chronic pain isn’t something you just have to “get used to.” Sometimes infections, nerve issues, or significant scar tissue need professional attention.
From My Couch to Yours: Don’t Judge Your Healing
If nobody’s told you today: Your body just did an insanely awesome thing. If healing takes three months, six months, or even longer—it’s okay. Your experience is valid, your pain is real, and you will get your groove back, promise.
Want to rebuild connection while healing? Maybe start with these relationship-boosting tips: How to improve intimacy in a relationship: 11 Proven ways.
Frequently Asked Questions — Ways to Reduce Pain During Sex After Childbirth
Q1. How long does pain during sex after childbirth usually last?
For most women, it gets better within the first 3-6 months, but a small number may have discomfort for longer. If pain sticks around or gets worse, check in with your healthcare provider.
Q2. Will pelvic floor exercises really help with pain?
Yes! Regular pelvic floor exercises can speed up recovery, reduce pain, and boost sexual enjoyment. Start slow and gentle as soon as your doctor gives the green light.
Q3. Which lube is best for reducing pain after childbirth?
Look for water-based or silicone-based lubes that are fragrance-free and safe for sensitive tissue. Products like Uber Lube, Slippery Stuff, or natural oils (like coconut oil—but not with condoms!) are top choices. CBD-infused lubes, if you’re not breastfeeding, may also help with relaxation.
Q4. Why does dryness happen, especially during breastfeeding?
Low estrogen levels, especially while breastfeeding, cause dryness and less natural lubrication. Lubes, longer foreplay, and sometimes a hormone cream (from your doctor) can all help.
Q5. What if trying sex just feels overwhelming?
That’s totally normal. Take intimacy off the table for a while and just cuddle, talk, or explore non-penetrative pleasure. When you’re ready, move at your pace. No pressure, ever.
Q6. Does scar tissue always cause pain after childbirth?
Not always, but it can. If you have pain where you had stitches or tearing, gentle massage, gradual stretching, and time can help. For stubborn pain, pelvic floor physical therapy is worth it.
Q7. Can I use vibrators or sex toys postpartum?
Absolutely—just choose gentle, body-safe options and go slow. They can help you rediscover pleasure and comfort (Curious? See The Ultimate Guide to Beginner Couples Toys Women Love).
Wrap-Up: Ways to Reduce Pain During Sex After Childbirth Are Part of the Healing Journey
If you take away one thing, let it be this: healing is possible. Sex after childbirth might look different, but with patience, honesty, and the right care, it can be joyful again.
Let’s be real—you created life, so facing a little challenge in the bedroom doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. You’re just on a new adventure.
Stay connected, stay kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to ask for help—from experts, your partner, or friends who get it. You’ll find your happy place again, I promise!
Looking for more insights? Check out these articles for next steps on your intimate journey:
If you’ve got more questions about ways to reduce pain during sex after childbirth, drop them below or share your experience. We’re all in this together.
